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After seeing Oprah’s
first interview with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor on Oprah’s Soul Series
Webcast, I ended up buying Dr. Taylor’s book, My
Stroke of Insight. You
can watch
Oprah's interviews with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor here.
Below are excerpts from the hardcover book that I hope you will
also find helpful. From Dr.
Taylor’s experience, we, too, can see how our brain works and thus, we
can apply this knowledge to our lives.
Pages 67-71:
“I remember that first day of the stroke with
terrific bitter-sweetness. In
the absence of the normal functioning of my left orientation association
area, my perception of my physical boundaries was no longer limited to
where my skin met air. I felt
like a genie liberated from its bottle.
The energy of my spirit seemed to flow like a great whale gliding
through a sea of silent euphoria. Finer
than the finest of pleasures we can experience as physical beings, this
absence of physical boundary was one of glorious bliss.
As my consciousness dwelled in a flow of sweet tranquility, it was
obvious to me that I would never be able to squeeze the enormousness of my
spirit back inside this tiny cellular matrix.”
“My escape into bliss was a magnificent alternative
to the daunting sense of mourning and devastation I felt every time I was
coaxed back into some type of interaction with the percolating world
outside of me. I existed in
some remote space that seemed to be far away from my normal information
processing, and it was clear that the “I” whom I had grown up to be
had not survived this neurological catastrophe.
I understood that that Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor died that morning, and
yet, with that said, who was left? Or,
with my left hemisphere destroyed, perhaps I should now say, who was right?”
“Without a language center telling me:
‘I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.
I am a neuroanatomist. I
live at this address and can be reached at this phone number,' I felt no
obligation to being her anymore. It
was truly a bizarre shift in perception, but without her emotional
circuitry reminding me of her likes and dislikes, or her ego center
reminding me about her patterns of critical judgment, I didn’t think
like her anymore. From a
practical perspective, considering the amount of biological damage, being
her again wasn’t even an option! In
my mind, in my new perspective, that Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor died that
morning and no longer existed. Now
that I didn’t know her life – her relationships, successes and
mistakes, I was no longer bound to her decisions or self-induced
limitations.”
“Although I experienced enormous grief for the
death of my left hemisphere consciousness – and the woman I had been, I
concurrently felt tremendous relief.
That Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor had grown up with lots of anger and a
lifetime of emotional baggage that must have required a lot of energy to
sustain. She was passionate
about her work and her advocacy. She
was intensely committed to living a dynamic life.
But despite her likable and perhaps even admirable characteristics,
in my present form I had not inherited her fundamental hostility.
I had forgotten about my brother and his illness. I had forgotten about my parents and their divorce.
I had forgotten about my job and all the things in my life that
brought me stress – and with this obliteration of memories, I felt both
relief and joy. I had spent a
lifetime of 37 years being enthusiastically committed to “do-do-doing”
lots of stuff at a very past face. On this special day, I learned the meaning of simply 'being.'”
“When I lost my left hemisphere and its language
centers, I also lost the clock that would break my moments into
consecutive brief instances. Instead
of having my moments prematurely stunted, they became open-ended, and I
felt no rush to do anything. Like
walking along the beach, or just hanging out in the beauty of nature, I
shifted from the doing-consciousness of my left brain to the
being-consciousness of my right brain.
I morphed from feeling small and isolated to feeling enormous and
expansive. I stopped thinking
in language and shifted to taking new pictures of what was going on in the
present moment. I was not
capable of deliberating about past or future-related ideas because those
cells were incapacitated. All
I could perceive was right here, right now, and it was beautiful.”
“My entire self-concept shifted as I no longer
perceived myself as a single, a solid, an entity with boundaries that
separated me from the entities around me.
I understood that at the most elementary level, I am a fluid. Of course I am a fluid!
Everything around us, about us, among us, within us, and between us
is made up of atoms and molecules vibrating in space. Although the ego center of our language center prefers
defining our self as individual and solid, most of us are aware that we
are made up of trillions of cells, gallons of water, and ultimately
everything about us exists in a constant and dynamic state of activity.
My left hemisphere had been trained to perceive myself as solid,
separate from others. Now,
released from the restrictive circuitry, my right hemisphere relished in
its attachment to the eternal flow. I
was no longer isolated and alone. My
soul was as big as the universe and frolicked with glee in a boundless
sea.”
“For many of us, thinking about ourselves as fluid,
or with souls as big as the universe, connected to the energy flow of all
that is, slips us out just beyond our comfort zone.
But without the judgment of my left brain saying that I am a solid,
my perception of myself returned to this natural state of fluidity.
Clearly, we are each trillions upon trillions of particles in soft
vibration. We exist as
fluid-filled sacs in a fluid world where everything exists in motion.
Different entities are composed of different densities of molecules
but ultimately every pixel is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons
performing a delicate dance. Every
pixel, including every iota of you and me, and every pixel of space
seemingly in between, is atomic matter and energy.
My eyes could no longer perceive things as things that were
separate from one another. Instead,
the energy of everything blended together.
My visual processing was no longer normal.
(I compare this pixilated perspective to Impressionist pointillism
paintings.)”
“I was consciously alert and my perception was that
I was in the flow. Everything
in my visual world blended together, and with every pixel radiating energy
we all flowed en masse, together as one.
It was impossible for me to distinguish the physical boundaries
between objects because everything radiated with similar energy. It’s probably comparable to when people take off their
glasses or put eye drops into their eyes – the edges become softer.”
“In this state of mind, I could not perceive
three-dimensionally. Nothing
stood out as being closer or farther away.
If there was a person standing in a doorway, I could not
distinguish their presence until they moved.
It took activity for me to know that I should pay special attention
to any particular patch of molecules.
In addition, color did not register to my brain as color.
I simply couldn’t distinguish it.”
“Prior to this morning, when I had experienced
myself as a solid, I had possessed the ability to experience loss –
either physical loss via death or injury, or emotional loss through
heartache. But in this
shifted perception, it was impossible for me to perceive either physical
or emotional loss because I was not capable of experiencing separation or
individuality. Despite my
neurological trauma, an unforgettable sense of peace pervaded my entire
being and I felt calm.”
“Although I rejoiced in my perception of connection
to all that is, I shuddered at the awareness that I was no longer a normal
human being. How on earth
would I exist as a member of the human race with this heightened
perception that we are each a part of it all, and that the life force
energy within each of us contains the power of the universe?
How could I fit in with our society when I walk the earth with no
fear? I was, by anyone’s
standard, no longer normal. In my own unique way, I had become severely mentally ill.
And I must say, there was both freedom and challenge for me in
recognizing that our perception of the external world, and our
relationship to it, is a product of our neurological circuitry.
For all those years of my life, I really had been a figment of my
own imagination!”
When the time keeper in my left hemisphere shut down,
the natural temporal cadence of my life s-l-o-w-e-d to the pace of a
snail. As my perception of
time shifted, I fell out of sync with the beehive that bustled around me. My consciousness drifted into a time warp, rendering me
incapable of communicating or functioning at either the accustomed or
acceptable pace of social exchange. I
now existed in a world between worlds.
I could no longer relate to people outside of me, and yet my life
had not been extinguished. I
was not only an oddity to those around me, but on the inside, I was an
oddity to myself.”
“I felt so detached from my ability to move my body
with any oomph that I truly believed I would never be able to get this
collection of cells to perform again.
Wasn’t it interesting that although I could not walk or talk,
understand language, read or write, or even roll my body over, I knew that
I was okay? The now off-line
intellectual mind of my left hemisphere no longer inhibited my innate
awareness that I was the miraculous power of life.
I knew I was different now – but never once did my right mind
indicate that I was ‘less than’ what I had been before.
I was simply a being of light radiating life into the world.
Regardless of whether or not I had a body or brain that could
connect me to the world of others, I saw myself as a cellular masterpiece.
In the absence of my left hemisphere’s negative judgment, I
perceived myself as perfect, whole, and beautiful just the way I was.”
Page 140-141:
“My right mind character is adventurous,
celebrative of abundance, and socially adept.
It is sensitive to nonverbal communication, empathic, and
accurately decodes emotion. My
right mind is open to the eternal flow where by I exist at one with
the universe. It is the seat
of my divine mind, the knower, the wise woman, and the observer.
It is my intuition and higher consciousness. My right mind is ever present and gets lost in time.”
“One of the natural functions of my right mind is
to bring me new insight in this moment so I can update old files that
contain outdated information. For
example, throughout my childhood I would not eat squash.
Thanks to my right hemisphere, I was willing to give squash a
second chance and now I love it. Many
of us make judgments with our left hemisphere and then are not willing to step
to the right (that is, into the consciousness of our right hemisphere)
for a file update. For many
of us, once we have made a decision, then we are attached to that decision
forever. I have found that
often the last thing a really dominating left hemisphere wants is to share
its limited cranial space with an open-minded right counterpart!”
“My right mind is open to new possibilities and
thinks out of the box. It is
not limited by the rules and regulations established by my left mind that
created that box. Consequently,
my right mind is highly creative in its willingness to try something new. It appreciates that chaos is the first step in the creative
process. It is kinesthetic,
agile, and loves my body’s ability to move fluidly into the world.
It is tuned in to the subtle messages my cells communicate via gut
feelings, and it learns through touch and experience.”
“My right mind celebrates its freedom in the
universe and is not bogged down by my past or fearful of what the future
may or may not bring. It
honors my life and the health of all my cells.
And it doesn’t just care about my body; it cares about the
fitness of your body, our mental health as a society, and our relationship
with Mother Earth.”
“The consciousness of our right mind appreciates
that every cell in our bodies (except for the red blood cells) contains
the exact same molecular genius as the original zygote cell that was
created when our mother’s egg cell combined with our father’s sperm
cell. My right mind understands that I am the life force power of
the fifty trillion molecular geniuses crafting my form! (And it bursts into song about that on a regular basis!)
It understands that we are all connected to one another in an
intricate fabric of the cosmos, and it enthusiastically marches to the
beat of its own drum.”
“Free from all perception of boundaries, my right
mind proclaims, ‘I am a part of it all.
We are brothers and sisters on this planet.
We are here to help make this world a more peaceful and kinder
place.’ My right mind sees
unity among all living entities, and I am hopeful that you are intimately
aware of this character within yourself.”
Page 141-144:
“As much as I obviously adore the attitude,
openness, and enthusiasm with which my right mind embraces life, my left
mind is equally amazing. Please
remember that this is the character I just spent the better part of a
decade resurrecting. My left
mind is responsible for taking all of that energy, all of that information
about the present moment, and all of those magnificent possibilities
perceived by my right mind, and shaping them into something manageable.”
“My left mind is the tool I use to communicate with
the external world. Just as
my right mind thinks in collages of images, my left mind thinks in
language and speaks to me constantly.
Through the use of brain chatter, it not only keeps me abreast of
my life, but also manifests my identity.
Via my left brain language center’s ability to say, “I am,” I
become an independent identity separate from the eternal flow.
As such, I become a single, a solid, separate from the whole.”
“As my left brain language centers recovered and
became functional again, I spent a lot of time observing how my
story-teller would draw conclusions based upon minimal information. For the longest time I found these antics of my story-teller
to be rather comical. At
least until I realized that my left mind full-heartedly expected the rest
of my brain to believe the stories it was making up! Throughout this resurrection of my left mind’s character and
skills, it has been extremely important that I retain the understanding
that my left brain is doing the best job it can with the information it
has to work with. I need to
remember, however, that there are enormous gaps between what I know and
what I think I know. I
learned that I need to be very wary of my story-teller’s potential for
stirring up drama and trauma.”
Page 147:
“Nowadays, I spend a whole lot of time thinking
about thinking just because I find my brain so fascinating. As Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth
living.’ There has been
nothing more empowering than the realization that I don’t have to think
thoughts that bring me pain. Of
course there is nothing wrong with thinking about things that bring me
pain as long as I am aware that I am choosing to engage in that emotional
circuitry. At the same time, it is freeing to know that I have the
conscious power to stop thinking those thoughts when I am satiated.
It is liberating to know that I have the ability to choose a
peaceful and loving mind (my right mind), whatever physical or mental
circumstances, by deciding to step to the right and bring my
thoughts back to the present moment.”
Page 151:
“Now that my left mind’s language centers and
story-teller are back to functioning normally, I find my mind not only
spins a wild tale but has a tendency to hook into negative patterns of
thought. I have found that
the first step to getting out of these reverberating loops of negative
thought or emotion is to recognize when I am hooked into those loops.
For some of us, paying attention to what our brain is saying to us
comes naturally. Many of my
college students, however, complain vehemently that it takes way too much
mental effort for them to simply observe what their brain is telling them. Learning to listen to your brain from the position of a
nonjudgmental witness may take some practice and patience, but once you
master this awareness, you become free to step beyond the worrisome drama
and trauma of your story-teller.”
Page 153-154:
“I’m a devout believer that paying attention to
our self-talk is vitally important for our mental health. In my opinion, making the decision that internal verbal abuse
is not acceptable behavior, is the first step toward finding deep inner
peace. It has been extremely
empowering for me to realize that the negative story-teller portion of my
brain is only about the size of a peanut!
Just imagine how sweet life was when those cranky cells were
silent. Recovering my left mind has meant that I have had to give
voice to all of my cells again. However,
I have learned that in order to protect my overall mental health, it is
necessary for me to tend the garden of my mind and keep these cells in
check. I have found that my
story-teller simply needs a little disciplining directive from my
conscious mind about what I want versus what I find unacceptable.
Thanks to our open line of communication, my authentic self has
much more say over what is going on with this particular group of cells;
and I spend very little time hooked into unwanted or inappropriate thought
patterns.”
“Having said that, however, I am often humored by
the scheming antics of my story-teller in response to this type of
directive. I have found that
just like little children, these cells may challenge the authority of my
authentic voice and test my conviction.
Once asked to be silent, they tend to pause for a moment and then
immediately reengage those forbidden loops.
If I am not persistent with my desires to think about other things,
and consciously initiate new circuits of thought, then those uninvited
loops can generate new strength and begin monopolizing my mind again.
To counter their activities, I keep a handy list of three things
available for me to turn my consciousness toward when I am in a state of
need: 1) I remember something I find fascinating that I would like to
ponder more deeply, 2) I think about something that brings me terrific
joy, or 3) I think about something I would like to do.
When I am desperate to change my mind, I use such tools.”
Page 155:
“I believe it is vital to our health that we pay
very close attention to how much time we spend hooked into the circuitry
of anger, or the depths of despair. Getting
caught up in these emotionally charged loops for long periods of time can
have devastating consequences on our physical and mental well-being
because of the power they have over our emotional and physiological
circuitry. However, with that said, it is equally important that we
honor these emotions when they surge through us.
When I am moved by my automatic circuitry, I thank my cells for
their capacity to experience that emotion, and then I make the choice to
return my thoughts to the present moment.”
Page 159:
“This stroke of insight has given me the priceless
gift of knowing that deep inner peace is just a thought/feeling away.
To experience peace does not mean that your life is always
blissful. It means that you
are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal
chaos of a hectic life. I
realize that for many of us, the distance between our thinking mind and
our compassionate heart sometimes feels miles apart.
Some of us traverse this distance on command.
Others of us are so committed to our hopelessness, anger, and
misery that the mere concept of a peaceful heart feels foreign and
unsafe.”
“Based upon my experience with losing my left mind,
I whole-heartedly believe that the feeling of deep inner peace is
neurological circuitry located in our right brain.
This circuitry is constantly running and always available for us to
hook into. The feeling of
peace is something that happens in the present moment.
It’s not something that we bring with us from the past or project
into the future. Step one to
experiencing inner peace is the willingness to be present in the right
here, right now.”
Page 161:
“When we are hooked into cognitive thoughts and
running mental loops, technically we are not in the present moment.
We can be thinking about something that has already occurred or
about something that has not yet happened, and although our body is right
here, right now, our mind is somewhere else.
In order to come back to the experience of the present moment,
allow your consciousness to shift away from those cognitive loops that
distract you from what is happening right now.”
Page 175:
“I have learned so much from this experience with
stroke, that I actually feel fortunate to have taken this journey.
Thanks to this trauma, I have had the chance to witness first-hand
a few things about my brain that otherwise I would never have imagined to
be true. For these simple
insights, I will always be grateful – not just for myself but for the
hope these possibilities may bring to how we, as a people, choose to view
and nurture our brains and consequently behave on this planet."
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